Subject: European Commission Decision on official language

The European Commission:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the
British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "c" will replace the soft "s". Sertainly, this will make the
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl
mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem
of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze forst plas.