For the moment, Shaq’s fiery expletives have been censored with soap bubbles. Sources close to the O’Neal family report that Shaq’s mother rinsed her son’s mouth thoroughly with soap after the Lakers superstar used foul language during a press conference.
Ahh, the gentle catharsis of bitter soap lathering in your mouth...
O’Neal’s mother decided to take matters into her own hands after Shaq repeatedly disregarded the NBA’s fines for profanity and vowed to “speak his mind.”
“I washed his mouth good,” said Lucille Harrison, Shaq’s mother. “And if it happens again, he gonna get hit. And I told him so. If he keeps ‘speakin his mind,’ I’ll keep spankin his behind, he can count on that.”
Reportedly, Ms. Harrison grabbed O’Neal by the ear shortly after he lashed out at reporters. She took him into the Lakers locker room and used conventional liquid body wash soap to create a rich lather in her son’s mouth.
“[expletive], man, you know how much that soap burns your mouth?” O’Neal told reporters at a taped press conference. “My mom is [expletive] crazy! That [expletive] tastes like [expletive]!”
Shaq's mom put her mean face on when Shaq wouldn't stop cussing.
Throat cultures taken directly after Ms. Harrison disinfected her son’s mouth showed no evidence of bacteria. It is unclear, however, whether or not the cleansing of O’Neal’s oral cavity will eliminate his virulent language permanently.
Behavioral experts believe that it may take many, many repeated soap treatments before O’Neal ceases swearing.
“This kind of thing takes time; he won’t become conditioned instantly,” said Geoffrey Loomis, professor of psychology at Yale University. “You have to apply the soap every time he curses. And when he doesn’t swear, sometimes you should wash his mouth out anyway… just for kicks… just to keep him on his toes.”
League commissioner David Stern has yet to announce whether he approves of Ms. O’Neal’s “alternative punishment.”
For the moment, Shaq’s fiery expletives have been censored with soap bubbles.