Ralph Nader announced on national television that he is embarked on a battle to totally destroy any possible chance the Democrats have to win the November election.
"Don't get me wrong," said Nader to interviewer Tim Russert, "I'm in the race to win. The only thing is, I know I can't win. If you think I'm stupid enough to believe I can win, you shouldn't be voting for me."
At the suggestion that he's only in the campaign to stroke his own ego, Nader snapped "How dare you? Do you have any idea who I am?"
Asked if his candidacy would mean the re-election of George Bush, Nader said "I'm afraid so, and yet, as a man of conscience, I feel I must make this run for the presidency, and condemn the American people to another four years of hell."
Democratic strategists have been huddled since the announcement, reportedly discussing the best way to kill Nader.
The centrists are suggesting an "auto accident"
They feel an "accidental" car explosion is fitting for a man of Nader's background, "and the irony is delicious" said Blaine Filamen, a young Kerry activist.
But the more liberal wing of the party is said to favor beating Nader severely with baseball bats, followed by a toss from a high, rocky cliff.
"It not only eliminates a problem" said liberal Democrat Phil Malone, "but the drama of it is instructive."
Man in the street Democrats are said to be undecided, but their attitude could best be summed up by Norman Redmond, a volunteer at Kerry headquarters who said "I don't care how they do it, as long as he dies. It's an idea whose time has come."
Meanwhile, chief Republican strategist Karl Rove has hosted several fund raising dinners asking wealthy Republicans to contribute to Nader's campaign.
"If Mr. Nader runs" said Rove, "Bush will have to do exactly nothing to win."
Nader's camp said they were unaware of any death threats, but added that even if Mr. Nader is killed, his corpse will continue to run for President.
"And he'd do a better job of it dead than Bush does alive." said Nader's cousin Marlene.
posted by: question (reply)
post date: 03.02.04 (8:29 pm)
Just by putting his name on the ballot helps the folks that rig the voting machines!
Ralph Nader announced on national television that he is embarked on a battle to totally destroy any possible chance the Democrats have to win the November election.