Polygamists Outraged By Proposed Amendment Defining Marriage As "Between One Man and One Woman"
In a press conference today immediately following President George Bush's announcement that he is endorsing a new amendment that will define marriage as a union between 'one man and one woman', in essence making it illegal for same-sex marriages to occur, the United Polygamists Association, UPA, announced that this amendment would infringe upon their legal and religious rights to marry more then one woman at a time.
"I was so upset after I heard his speech," stated the President of UPA, "I know he is trying to do this so that gays and lesbians don't get married, and I'm fine with that, but the side effect of this amendment is that we won't be able to marry more then one woman. Does he understand this?"
"We will have to leave this country," stated another polygamist who wished to remain anonymous, "I will have to take my 15 wives and 300 children and move.
Do you understand the logistics involved in that? I mean, my poor 13th wife hardly gets any sleep now just preparing the lunches for all my children every day, and she needs her sleep!
She is only 15 years old and 8 months preagnant! This is the beginning of the end for freedoms in America. I just don't know what's next!"
Apparently, UPA was not aware that polygamy is actually already banned and illegal in the United States. "It is? But don't the Mormon's do that in Utah?" stated the president of UPA, "Oh. I thought it was legal. Are you sure? Why should I believe you guys anyhow? You are just reporters."
"Today, I join the rest of America in legally defining marriage," stated President Bush in a televised press conference, "We must create an amendment to the Constitution so that the institution of marriage is protected forever and no court can ever challenge it again. That is why I support this infringement upon the freedoms of innocent people that want the same rights that the rest of us, heterosexuals, have today."
Conservative groups are applauding what President Bush is doing, while liberal groups are horrified at what they heard on television today.
Polygamists Outraged By Proposed Amendment Defining Marriage As "Between One Man and One Woman"